No More Shower for You...ok?

I guess it's possible to reach a point of cleanliness where you are no longer allowed to take anymore showers for the rest of the day. My mother and I shared a spa day at Olympic Spa in K-town earlier today and that was nice minus the unusual mood swings that I had today. PMS never seemed that obvious to me, but anyways...

I figured out the perfect way to utilize all the amenities (eucalyptus jade steam room, Himalayan salt and dry oil room, hot stone oxygen room, hot tub, cold tub, really hot tub) for me anyway. The word is not gradual, but extreme. First, shower. Then, sauna. After, cold tub. Then, really hot tub. Followed again by cold tub. And after that, salt and dry oil room and so forth. I am not exactly sure if that's a good plan to follow, however, when you start to get dizzy just go to the room with the heated jade floor and take a nap. Return back to neutral. Do it all over again if you have time. All while waiting for your number to be called so you can receive your well deserved treatment.

When my number was finally called, the masseuse looked at me something close to disapprovingly and told me to follow her. It was a great start. All that I was thinking was "Aw man, I have the bitchy one." Usually I get the happy older ladies who smile all the time and shower you with all signs of approval. Well, long story short, the bitchy lady finally decided to approve of me and gave me her first smile after giving me her test of cleanliness. At one point of the treatment, one is scrubbed down with some awesome smelling scrub/soap. After this one is sent to the showers to thoroughly rinse all this off. I do this in very fast time because as my mother advised, you want to maximize your massage time. And just like everything else that I do*, I am very good at this when I deem it necessary. I do this so well that the bitchy lady doesn't believe me. She does not believe that any human being has the capability of successfully becoming squeaky clean in a matter of more or less a minute, maybe even a few seconds. Mind you that this is only my body. This does not include my hair. That is a different story entirely.

I come back and this lady is looking at me in utter disbelief. "How can this girl (that I disapprove of) possibly be at the level of clean that I demand in this amount of time?" She gives me her skeptical face and then motions that I assume the position, the position to receive the test of cleanliness. Its not really too interesting a position. Its pretty much the position one assumes when being scanned by security with a metal detector at the airport.

The disapproving lady's test cover those places most emphasized to scrub when cleaning one's self. She begins by feeling behind my ears. Clean? Check. Then my underarms. Check. And finally my ass. This woman wants me to fail or something. She probably thought something like "she couldn't have possibly gotten everything there." At this point, I can't help but crack a smile and by default laugh a little bit. The test was done and I was clean. I had passed. I had become more than acceptable in her eyes and she affirmed this with a big smile and a laugh. YAY.

I have been approved. But do I want this approval? This became the big question after the message ended and she wrapped me up with a towel and robe and said:
You are very clean now so no more shower for you today...ok? No more shower.

...I guess...

More than one shower a day can be excessive at times but not even having the option to take that extra shower? PREPOSTEROUS.

Sometimes it is better to just go without the approval.

Aside from that though the whole spa experience was good. My skin was pretty damn close to soft as a baby's bottom. I was very clean. And that's really the main idea, right? Detox.

Actually, no. That reminds me there was this prissy Russian lady who looked angry (could be snooty) but wanted to talk to me and yet also didn't. There's a dilemma for you. Fighting the urge to talk to someone. Conversely, fighting the urge not to talk to someone...while your mad or disapproving of many things.

It was actually pretty interesting. It's something quasi-confrontational and after that initial contact, utter avoidance. Huh...

Ok. Well that is about if for now. I will end on a tangent.

I wish I had bought more luchador masks when I was in Mexico, however I am sure it can't be to big of a deal that I didn't. They have got to sell that stuff in downtown LA. I have to believe that. Otherwise...I will become very sad.




I ended up not taking another shower.

Comcast is a Big & Fat/ Tall & Skinny Bitch!!!

Annoying motherfuckers.

I would like to put forth my two cents about organic deodorants:

• Organic deodorants do not have anti-perspirants.
• I think the whole idea with using organic deodorants is that your arm pits will start to smell organic after about three hours from initial use.

I have resolved to return to using aluminum and other commodified toxic chemical containing deodorants just like the prodigal son to his forgiving father.

the end.

I Fell Madly in Love with a Mormon in the Mexican Riviera

It was something kind of animalistic at first sight.
Not all of them are cut out to be how they are portrayed in those commercials for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.
You wouldn't believe...
He was, however, from Utah.
We first met in the Aquarius Dining Room aboard the Vision of the Seas.
An "exotic" fruit plate, some escargot, and slice of flourless chocolate cake later we were wondering around the cruise ship looking for somewhere we could find some seclusion--a place to ourselves. This continued for the remainder of the cruise.
Him with his piercing deep blue eyes and dirty blond hair. His body was lean and muscular from playing rugby and lacrosse. He held me close to him as we both gazed down at the water rushing past the ship from below.
We did everything together minus the drugs minus the alcohol, but before I go any further...

...most of this did not happen.

His family did favor it though as made evident in one of our conversations at the dining table.
Mormon Father: So, Michelle, do you have a boyfriend? Planning on getting married anytime soon?
Me: Are you serious? Really?
(silence)
Me: Well, I'm planning on getting married in my thirties after I'm settled for the most part.
Mormon Mother: Smart girl.
Me: In regards to your first question. No and that's all I'm going to say about that.
...
Mormon Father: Usually when we go on these things. Brenan and Wes pair up with nice girls for the rest of the cruise...

I had also scored major points with the Mormon family because:

1. They were able to recognize that I'm awesome.
   
2. One evening, I wore a luchador mask at the dining table showing that I am a good sport.
3. I have a very nice family, hence I myself will also create a nice family.
   

Reason two is the main source of point earnage.

Brenan, the boy my age did have piercing blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and a slender athletic body. He did play lacrosse and rugby. He spent the last two years of his life in Japan teaching English. And he showed traces of having an Asian fettish so those are easy points for me.

So, I guess the easy question is: why didn't I take him with me to a stateroom and hump his leg already?

Well, for one, I was rooming with my brother but mainly it was because we didn't click. Aside from the interesting things I had already mentioned he wasn't really all that interesting. All details put aside: I just wasn't that attracted to him. He was really nice though.

And so with the cruise coming to an close, Brenan and I ended our relationship with a simple but firm handshake.

And that, as they say, is that...for now anyways.